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Author Topic: Mallow's stories (Current fiction - Universes)  (Read 14664 times)
Dr_Mallow
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« on: November 06, 2017, 11:29:22 AM »

 Okay, in this topic I`ll be post stories about customers and FCs.
 If you want continue, write about it.

                         Chapter one: Beginning


      Somewhere in Starlight city

  Lady Negative: Bwa-ha-ha! You again return? You made a very big mistake, Mrs Flipverse...
  Mrs Flipverse: Really? Why you think so?
  Lady Negative: I invented this VERY EPIC WEAPON, that named "VERY.EPIC.WEAPON.". It can destroy you and all this world!
  Mrs Flipverse: Sounds nice... So, you do this, because you can`t cook good, right?
  Lady Negative: No, No, No! I cook better than you in 1000 times, girl! Why you ask these stupid questions?
  Mrs Flipverse: I ask these questions, because I need distract you... And... Made. Your "VERY.EPIC.WEAPON" destroyed. Why you add "self-destroy" button every time?
  Lady Negative: ARRRGHH!!! You again win... My revenge will be awful for you... I...
        
       *Mrs Flipverse gone*

  Lady Negative: (Shouts) I`ll get you, Mrs Flipverse!

      Meanwhile in Mrs Flipverse`s "Lair"

    Cameron: (Think) Why does Bella have SO many cool things? These posters, comics, figures...
 
      *Knocking on the door*

    Cameron: Who`s there?
    Mrs Flipverse: It`s me! Open door.
    Cameron: Not so fast. Secret code?
    Mrs Flipverse: Uhh... Mrs Flipverse & PepperGuy friends forever.
    Cameron: You can enter. Hello, sister! How do you do?
    Mrs Flipverse: Not bad. Fighted with Lady Negative. What about you?
    Cameron: I bored. Let`s have some fun?
    Mrs Flipverse: Of course, PepperGuy... What do you want? Movies? Games? Comics?
    Cameron: So, you fighting with Lady Negative? Tell me about it!
    Mrs Flipverse: (Smiling) Awesome idea! So, listen attentively... I`m came to Starlight city, when met they!
    Cameron: Who?
    Mrs Flipverse: Very-very hot wings! they`re attack me, but I defeat they. And... I met Lady Negative...
 
     *5 minutes later*

    Mrs Flipverse: ...And I`m gone.
    Cameron: Wonderful! You`ll take me with you in the next time?
    Mrs Flipverse: Probably, but I not sure.
    Cameron: Ohhh... What`s time?
    Mrs Flipverse: 8 p.m.
    Cameron: Okay, I`ll make my homework... Don`t like it.
    Mrs Flipverse: Good luck with it!
« Last Edit: March 04, 2018, 12:50:37 PM by Dr_Mallow » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2017, 02:48:33 AM »

  Where is the criticism?

                                         Chapter two: Our new neighbor


      *Bella's working on a her costume trying to make it better*

  Cameron: (Entering in home) Hey, sister! I`m return from school!
  Bella: (Stops working) Okay. Want to eat?
  Cameron: Of course! Haven`t eaten since morning...
  Bella: Shalt soup? Or pasta? Or... just sandwich?
  Cameron: Hmmm... I want a pasta! With ketchup!
  Bella: Okay, wait a second and I...

     *Ringing the doorbell*

  Cameron: Interesting, who it is? Bella, can you open?
     *Silence*
  Cameron: Okay, I think I can open...

     *Cameron open the door*

  Cameron: Bella! Do you know who it is?
  Bella: (From the kitchen) Cam, if you distract me, you'll be hungry.
  Carlos: Hello, Cam. My name is Carlos and I your new neighbor.
  Cameron: And... you need something, right?
  Carlos: No, no... no! I just want to meet with my new neighbors. And... if you say... can you give me some sugar?
  Cameron: Okay... (Shouts) Bella! Give some sugar to our neighbor, please.
     *Silence... again*
  Carlos: I think I take it in the next time... Hey! Do you like movies?
  Cameron: I don`t know people, who don`t like movies.
  Carlos: It`s nice! So, maybe you come to me someday and we`re see a new film? It`s crime. Crime is my favorite genre.
  Cameron: Of course! I like crime too. But, if Bella doesn`t mind.
  Carlos: Okay. You can come at any time. I`m always home. And take Bella with you. We haven't met her yet.
  Bella: (From the kitchen) Cameron! Your pasta ready!
  Carlos: Okay... So, I go home. Bye, Cam!
  Cameron: Bye! See you later!

       *Cameron close the door and come to kitchen*

  Bella: So, who came?
  Cameron: Best guy in a world! It`s our new neighbor, Carlos... yes, Carlos! He summon us to see movie in his flat!
  Bella: Now?!
  Cameron: No, later... Crime.... We`ll see a crime! And he want to meet with you.
  Bella: Really? Why with me?
  Cameron: I think, because you his new neighbor too?
  Bella: Oh... Right. I`m forgot! Enjoy your meal, brother.
  Cameron: Thanks, sister!

« Last Edit: November 28, 2017, 09:09:23 AM by Marshmallow guy » Logged

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« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2017, 11:05:18 AM »

           If you read it, write your opinion about it.

                                  Chapter three: Professors


                     In Gigaloaf Lab

  Professor Fitz: Yeah! We did it!
  Lewis: What happened?
  Professor Fitz: I mixed up two serums and got IT! It's a serum that can melt all the ice within a 5-metre radius with help just one droplet. It can help us if Professor Freeze think about freeze world again.
  Lewis: It`s wonderful! Do you remember what kind of serum you used to mixed up? I think we need more it, because...
  Professor Fitz: Ohh Nooo.... You right... I should have remember that... All the more so, we haven't heard from my brother in a long time. He can attack and we're will be not ready for it...
  Lewis: I think, if you calm down, we can find serums that you used.
  Professor Fitz: You is the best assistant in this world. Lets find these serums.

             *30 minutes later*

  Professor Fitz: We`re tryed all what we can. We`re got different serums, but we can`t mix this serum.
  Lewis: Don't be discouraged professor. We'll figure something out... I hope...

                 Meanwhile in "Freeze`s hideout" in Frostfield

  Professor Freeze: (Thinking) Where is Martin? I send he to buy ice-cream 20 minutes ago...
  Martin: *Knocking the door* Mr. Freeze, open! I buy ice-cream!
  Professor Freeze: *Opened the door* Oh yes! Thanks, Martin. So, if you here, how we can freeze this world?
  Martin: Maybe, should burn it down?
  Professor Freeze: BURN??? It's awful! We need to freeze this world. If we do this, we're make it better. World will be beautiful! It will be blue and transparent!
  Martin: Maybe we're need help? Some guys, who will helps us.
  Professor Freeze: Who would agree to that?
  Martin: Guys, who haven't got much money, right?
  Professor Freeze: You're talking about us?
  Martin: No! We can hire, for example, three strong guys, who will be defeat our enemies.
  Professor Freeze: Not bad, but we haven't got much money to hire them.
  Martin: We can fool them. Let them work first, and then we'll "pay" them.
  Professor Freeze: But they're will be strong, right? We're strong?
  Martin:
  Professor Freeze: Okay, we're will hire clever guys. They will help me with my inventions and soon we're make "Freeze`s Iceberg"!
  Martin: I like this idea! So, maybe you want a cup of veeery cold tea?
  Professor Freeze: Warm. Warm tea. But later. I`m going to find clever guys.
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« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2017, 10:28:37 AM »

    Continue!

                                Chapter four: New guys

        Somewhere in Powder Point:

  Desmond: (Thinking) Where he is? I waiting him here not less than 1 hour... What's time? 2 p.m. So, his TV show not started. Perhaps he in Papa's Cheeseria? No... They are not working at Sunday...
  Myles: (Running and shouting) Desmond! Brother, I running to you!
       *He's stops next to Desmond*
  Desmond: Whats happened?! Why I wait you an hour? Tell!
  Myles: Oh, brother, it's a long story. Another fights... It's hard, you know? Let's fun? We are in Powder Point!!
       *Desmond seems convinced*
  Desmond: Okay! I love this place! So, let's come to "Sky Ninja"?
  Myles: Yeah! I like it!
       
       *They are come to "Sky Ninja" and met at theirs way strange old man*

  Desmond: Ooh, I'm sorry... We're not saw you.
  Myles: Yeah, we not... Don't kill us!
  Professor Freeze: Oh, nevermind! I'm Professor Freeze. Whats about you?
  Myles: My name is Myles Gar...
  Desmond: ...Garbage! Myles Garbage. I'm Desmond, his brother.
       *Miles looked at Desmond strangely*
  Desmond: So, what are you doing here, Mr.Freeze?
  Professor Freeze: Here the best ice-cream in this world... It need me for experiments.
  Desmond and Myles: Experiments?
  Professor Freeze: Yes, experiments... Do you want to make this world beautifuler than now?
  Desmond: Perhaps?
  Myles: Better? I like it!
  Professor Freeze: Okay, so, what are you say if I'll propose for you new work?
  Myles: We'll be get much money?
  Desmond: (To Myles) Hush! It's not important... We're don't know him!
  Myles: But we need to try, right?
  Desmond: (To Professor) Okay, we're decided. We'll try it, but we have right to leave, okay?
  Professor Freeze: Okay. So, let's start working?
  Desmond: But we didn't even have fun at Powder Point...
  Professor Freeze: Uhhh... (Take paper and write something) Take it. It's adress of my base... I wanted say your workplace. Fun here. After that come to me, okay?
  Desmond and Myles: Okay! Thanks, Mr. Freeze!
 
        *Professor Freeze gone*

  Myles: So, now our surname is Garbage? Really?
  Desmond: Whats if he's a bad guy? We're don't know it. Therefore I say him incorrect surname. Logic?
  Myles: You is a smartest man in the world!
  Desmond: Thanks, but it's false. I know smarter humans than me.
         
      *They come to "Sky Ninja"... Again*
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 27.10.17: Burning marshmallow
 01.11.17: Moe
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 23.11.17: Pinch Hitwell (From PHDHD announcement)
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 10.12.17: Marshmello
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« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2017, 12:59:39 AM »

                              Chapter five: Alliance


                After Lady Negative's lose

 Lady Negative: ... Hate her... I'll kill her... I'll invate a "FlipverseDestroyer1". Yes! This is idea!
    *Lady Negative comes to her lair*
    *Lady Negative met guy in blue-white clothing*
 Lady Negative: Go away! I'm in a hurry!
 Martin: I heard your screams. Whats happended?
 Lady Negative: It's not your problems! Go away!
 Martin: Why you're so agressive?
 Lady Negative: Perhaps because I'm a villain?!
 Martin: Okay, I'll open my secret for you.
   *Takes Lady Negative aside*
 Martin: I'm a villain too!
 Lady Negative: Uh... Understand. You want become my assistant. Sorry but I...
 Martin: No-no-no... I want you to come with me...
 Lady Negative: What for?
 Martin: It's a secret. Just close your eye and give me your arm.
     *Lady Negative do it*
 Lady Negative: But you know, if you're taking me to police, I'll revenge you...
 Martin: Almost here...
     *They're entered in "Freeze's hideout"*
 Martin: Okay, you can open your eye.
 Lady Negative: (Opened eye) Where I am? Can you tell me whats happen here?
     *Professor Freeze is entering*
 Professor Freeze: Wooow... You bring me Lady Negative? She's the best villain in this Universe!
 Martin: I'm met her...
 Lady Negative: Shut up! (To professor) You're really know me? But I have not once captured the world. And who are you?
 Professor Freeze: I'm a best professor! My name is Professor Freeze.
 Lady Negative: Why I'm here? And who is this guy?
 Professor Freeze: You in "Freeze's hideout". This is my assistant - Martin. He's led you in this place because I need a helper in world's capture.
 Lady Negative: And what I need to make?
 Professor Freeze: Nothing now, but later I'll give work to you.
 Lady Negative: Okay, I agree.
     *Entered another guys*
 Desmond: Okay, Mr.Freeze, we're here. And...
 Myles: Who is this girl?
 Lady Negative: Why you not tell me about their?
 Professor Freeze: Calm down! Okay, it's my plan. I gathered you here to create an alliance named "Freeze's band"!
 Desmond and Myles: But we're here just for good goals.
 Professor Freeze: Okay, you're missed. Now you're working to me and if someone's going to mind, he or she will be frozen.
     *All here see each other*
 Professor Freeze: Our main goal - freeze this world. And we'll start... Tomorrow, I guess.
Logged

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  *Papa Louie: WPA - complete! All coins
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  *Slider scouts - 80 of 80 scouts. 313 Rank
  *Papa's Pizzeria HD - 104 Rank
  *Papa's Freezeria To Go - 61 Rank
  *Papa's Sushiria - 106 Rank
  *Cactus McCoy - complete! All achievements.
  *Papa's Hot Doggeria HD - 67 Rank
  *Papa's Hot Doggeria To Go - 25 Rank
  *Papa's Pizzeria - 13 Rank
  *Papa's Bakeria - 14 Rank

Avatars:
18.10.17: Mallow men
 27.10.17: Burning marshmallow
 01.11.17: Moe
 12.11.17: Gummy Onion
 17.11.17: Roy/Ninroy
 23.11.17: Pinch Hitwell (From PHDHD announcement)
 01.12.17: Timm without his glasses
 03.12.17: Franchise Owner icon (by Excalibur)
 10.12.17: Marshmello
 10.03.18: Marshmello (again)
 




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« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2017, 09:52:55 PM »

                                           Chapter six: Beginning of the End

         *At Bella and Cameron's house*
 
     *Bella is reading adventure book*
     *Cameron watching TV*
 Cameron: (Thinking) So boring... Nothing interesting here... All shows are stupid... Hey! Idea! (To Bella) Hey, sister! Have you got any plans in evening?
     *Bella continue reading*
 Cameron: Lets come to our neighbor... Casey? No, not Casey... Carl... Carlos! Lets come to Carlos?
 Bella: Nothing interesting in TV right?
 Cameron: Yeah... But he wants to meet you!
 Bella: (Closed book) Okay. But not long.
 Cameron: Yaay! Lets go!
      *Bella and Cameron closed their door and comes to Carlos's door*
 Cameron: (Knocking) Carlos! It's we, Cameron and Bella!
 Carlos: Who? I can't hear you...
 Cameron: (Shouting) It's we, Cameron and Bella!
     *Door is opened*
 Carlos: Hey, Cam! You come to me... And took your sister with you, right? (To Bella) Hello! My name is Carlos, and I...
 Bella: I know who are you. Cameron told me about you. My name is Bella.
 Carlos: Nice to meet you. Want you, guys, cup of hot tea? Or lets see movie?
 Bella: I voted for tea...
 Cameron: Movie! Movie!!
 Carlos: Okay, I bring tea for Bella and after this I include movie.
     *Carlos came to kitchen*
 Cameron: (Whisper) And what do you think about him?
 Bella: (Whisper) I think he's not bad, but not perfect.
 Cameron: (Whisper) You said that perfect people don't exist.
 Bella: (Smiling) You're right.
     *Carlos returns*
 Carlos: Here is your tea... (Give cup of tea to Bella) Lets see movie!
     *They are came to living room*
 Carlos: Okay, we'll see a crime... Found! This movie named "Potato killer" Lets see?
 Cameron: Of course! Include it!
     *Carlos included "Potato killer"
 
     *30 minutes later*

 Bella: Wait a second. I want to take out the cup.
 Carlos: Okay, we're will wait.
     *Bella came to kitchen*
     *Bella puts cup on a table and inadvertently looking out the window*
 Bella: (Shouting) Guys! Look out the window!
     *They are looked and were exciting*
     *All the streets frozen. It was a fascinating.*
 Carlos: Wha... Whats happening?
 Bella: I think, we're go home, right Cam?
 Cameron: But we...
     *Bella grabbed Cameron's arm and they're came to home*
 Cameron: Whats happening? Can you...
 Bella: Get ready for epic fight... Put your hero's clothing on! Time to save the world...

   Write your comments if your waiting a continue.
Logged

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  *Slider scouts - 80 of 80 scouts. 313 Rank
  *Papa's Pizzeria HD - 104 Rank
  *Papa's Freezeria To Go - 61 Rank
  *Papa's Sushiria - 106 Rank
  *Cactus McCoy - complete! All achievements.
  *Papa's Hot Doggeria HD - 67 Rank
  *Papa's Hot Doggeria To Go - 25 Rank
  *Papa's Pizzeria - 13 Rank
  *Papa's Bakeria - 14 Rank

Avatars:
18.10.17: Mallow men
 27.10.17: Burning marshmallow
 01.11.17: Moe
 12.11.17: Gummy Onion
 17.11.17: Roy/Ninroy
 23.11.17: Pinch Hitwell (From PHDHD announcement)
 01.12.17: Timm without his glasses
 03.12.17: Franchise Owner icon (by Excalibur)
 10.12.17: Marshmello
 10.03.18: Marshmello (again)
 




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« Reply #6 on: November 28, 2017, 10:05:02 AM »

                                 Chapter seven: Fight for world

              *Mrs. Flipverse and PepperGuy are go to street*

 PepperGuy: Why here's SO cold?
 Mrs. Flipverse: How do you think? Maybe because they're frozed all here and ice everywhere?
        *They're came to street where resided villains*
 Mrs. Flipverse: (Shouting) Okay guys, games are ended! Just unfreeze our street and no one gets hurt!
 Lady Negative: Well, well, well... Looks at she. New assistent? I hope he'll be better than you!
 PepperGuy: (To Mrs. Flipverse) Hey sis... I think it's very dangerous and perhaps we...
 Mrs. Flipverse: (To PepperGuy) Oh no, brother! We're need to stop it! If we're don't do this, nobody don't do this.
 Professor Freeze: And who are you? Local superheroes? Or just fanatics? Anyways you can't stop me... I wanted say us!
 Martin: He's right! We're a power! And Mr. Freeze the best of us! At your place I'd go out and look after beauty ice...
 Mrs. Flipverse: Not so fast! (To PepperGuy) Okay, you'll attack those two guys, I'll attack professor.
 PepperGuy: But I...
 Mrs. Flipverse: (Shouting) NOW!
       
        *Mrs. Flipverse tryed to attack Professor Freeze but Lady Negative overlaped way to him*

 Lady Negative: Time for revenge! I'll destroy you and all this world! (Evil laugh)

        *Mrs. Flipverse attacked Lady Negative but she's dodged from her attack. Lady Negative made a try to punch her opponent with arm but opponent dodged this attack too. They're punched each other... They're kicked each other. But Lady Negative succesed and punched Mrs. Flipverse. She's fall on a cold ice*

       *Meanwhile PepperGuy was disappointed but he start his attack. He ran to Desmond and tryed to punch him but he dodged. When PepperGuy tryed to do it again Desmond dodged again but he not made attempts to punch PepperGuy*

 Desmond: Hey guy, calm down! We're with my brother not wants to fight with you. I'm Desmond, it;s my brother - Myles.
 PepperGuy: I'm Cam... Pepperguy. So if you not want to fight what are you doing here?
 Desmond: Oh it's a long story... We're goes to Powder Point when met professor. He proposed a job for us and we're was agree with this...

        *At this moment PepperGuy heard his sister's voice. When he turned he see Mrs. Flipverse on ice*

 PepperGuy: Oh no, guys... No one can't punch my sister! Your song is sung!

        *PepperGuy ran to Lady Negative but Martin catch him. Villains tied heroes around a huge chunk of ice*

 PepperGuy: (To Mrs. Flipverse) How are you?
 Mrs. Flipverse: Uh... Why are they too many? What? You told something Cam?
 PepperGuy: Ohh... Nevermind... How do you think when somebody rescue us?
 Mrs. Flipverse: Don't know, Cam... I don't know...
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« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2017, 12:00:49 PM »

 Soon it'll end

                               Chapter eight: Grand saving


        If you remember we're stoped in moment when villains're captured our worldsavers.  What will happen?

 Martin: And what are you going to do with those heroes?
 Lady Negative: She'll suffer! I'll revenge her and after that I kill her...
 Desmond: But... Whats about her assistant? He's a very young for die, right?
 Lady Negative: Okay, maybe you're right... But firstly we need to do something with he... Ideas?
 Professor Freeze: I can freeze him... He's will not die... But through many-many years someone will find him and unfreeze...
 Lady Negative: But through many-many years... I think it's the best decision... So you can freeze him at this night I guess.

        When our villains are go away

 PepperGuy: (Trying to get out) We must to do it! We need to get out! We... Why you not helping to me?
 Mrs. Flipverse: (Sad) It's nonsensical now... If we're try to get out they're will find us and kill... We're lose, Cam... We're lose...
 PepperGuy: Uh, come on, sis! We can't surrender NOW! All world is a lump of ice! Who save this world if not we?
 Mrs. Flipverse: Maybe... I guess... Other heroes?
 PepperGuy: How many heroes except us you know?
 Mrs. Flipverse: I... I'm... (Starts crying)
 PepperGuy: (Cuddling his sister) Come on! We'll win remember it!

               Sometimes later

     Mrs. Flipverse and PepperGuy still tied up. PepperGuy still tryed to cheer his sister
     But at that moment somebody came

 Desmond: Hey, guys? How are you?
 PepperGuy: Oh, we're tied and lost all motivation... Yes, we fine!
 Desmond: Okay sorry... But I came to help you.
 PepperGuy: And what are you going to do?
 Desmond: Hush! They're can hear us... They're have dinner.
 PepperGuy: Oh, yeah... I think it's a perfect idea to talking about food with humans that haven't eat last 4 hours...
 Desmond: Okay-okay! Sorry again...
 PepperGuy: I hope you going to untie us?
 Desmond: I'd be very happy to do this but I can't...
 PepperGuy: ...They're can hear us, right?
 Desmond: Yes I can't untie you but I can help...
 PepperGuy: I think you'll help to us just if you'll get out us! If not, you can go away!

     Desmond went away

 PepperGuy: Fine! Now we're alone again...
 
     At this moment all of the villains ended their dinner and returned

 Lady Negative: It was the best dinner ever! Who was a cooker? Oh, all of you know - I was a cooker...
 Professor Freeze: Yes, dinner really was a very delicious... So when we'll start our plan?
 Lady Negative: When time is come, Freeze... When time is come...

     At this moment ALL heared veery loud scream

 Loud scream: Tied guys! Hold your breath!

     Villains was ready to hold their breath too but it was late
     Very strange gas was spread all over the street and disappeared immediately
     All of the villains fall asleep

 Voice: Okay guys you're free now! Give me your arms... I'll bring you in safety place!

     Heroes give their arms and unknown man was leading they
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« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2017, 06:37:52 PM »

    Hello. I decided to post here not just stories about my FCs. Now I'll post here stories about Flipverse's customers too.

                          Ninjas Battle

     Customers in this chapter: Joy/Ninjoy, Roy/Ninroy


          Somewhere in Roy and Joy's home

  Joy: (Entering in home) Hi brother. How are you and... What are you doing?
  Roy: (Doing something) Guess it with 3 times.
  Joy: Hmm... New hat? belt? pants? Or maybe...
  Roy: (Continuing to do something) I creating new costume!
  Joy: Sounds interesting... But why you use black and purple colors?
  Roy: (Stopped doing something) Because not just you, sis, can be a ninja. I want it too and I...
  Joy: ...But why you using MY colors? You can use dark red, just black or something else.
  Roy: I use them because I like them.
  Joy: Oh really? (Thinking) Lets see how do you like to be a ninja.

          Joy's go away

  Roy: (Continuing to do something)(Thinking) Why she's don't like it? I thought she'd like it but... She don't like when I use her colors...

          1 hour later

  Roy: I did it! Hey, sis, would you look on this?
     Silence
  Roy: And where are you? Are you offended?

          Roy's costume looks absolutely like a Ninjoy's costume but his costum created special for Roy

  Ninjoy: (Entering) Okey, brother, lets see what you can to do!
  Roy: Hey-hey! Wait a second! I need to wear my new costume.
  Ninjoy: (Waiting)
  Ninroy: Okay... I'm ready.
  Ninjoy: Lets see... (Running to Ninroy)

     Ninroy run away from Ninjoy. When he ran he find a plush hammer. He took it.

  Ninroy: Okay, sis, now I've got a weapon! You should give up!
  Ninjoy: Not so fast... (Take a plush sword) Lets see who's the best ninja!

     Both ninjas're fighting. Ninjoy punch Ninroy in his leg using her sword. Ninroy tryed to punch Ninjoy to her head but he missed. Ninjoy missed when she tryed to punch Ninroy to his body.

  Ninjoy: And you not feel tired?
  Ninroy: No... I'm... Not feeling nothing...

     At this moment Ninroy punch Ninjoy to her leg, after this to second leg. Ninjoy falled.

  Ninjoy: Wow! You're really not bad ninja... Wait... Not ninja. You really good fighter.
  Ninroy: Thanks... A lot... But why I... Can't be a ninja?
  Ninjoy: Ninjas are very secretive. Are you secretive?
  Ninroy:
  Ninjoy: I know that. But you good in fighting.
  Ninroy: Thanks...Sis...
  Ninjoy: You should to go to bed. You're very tired.
         
          Roy takes off his costume and go to bed
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 27.10.17: Burning marshmallow
 01.11.17: Moe
 12.11.17: Gummy Onion
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 23.11.17: Pinch Hitwell (From PHDHD announcement)
 01.12.17: Timm without his glasses
 03.12.17: Franchise Owner icon (by Excalibur)
 10.12.17: Marshmello
 10.03.18: Marshmello (again)
 




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« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2017, 09:21:12 AM »

hmm, not a bad fanfic idea, however it's kinda hard to read through tons of dialogue Tongue it's why I don't use dialogue in most of my fanfics anymore. I think if your chapters were a little shorter and had a bit more description, it might be easier to understand.
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Flipline_Tony: Looks like no one's here.
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awesome quotes of 2018:
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Fav KCP 2018 entries (besides Annika):
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« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2017, 09:35:24 AM »

hmm, not a bad fanfic idea, however it's kinda hard to read through tons of dialogue Tongue it's why I don't use dialogue in most of my fanfics anymore. I think if your chapters were a little shorter and had a bit more description, it might be easier to understand.
Yaay! First opinion!
I use dialogs SO often because I don't like description. I think it's boring...
Anyway I'll try to add more description in the next fanfic.
Thanks for criticism! Cheesy
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Flipline Games achievements:
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  *Papa's Pizzeria HD - 104 Rank
  *Papa's Freezeria To Go - 61 Rank
  *Papa's Sushiria - 106 Rank
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  *Papa's Hot Doggeria HD - 67 Rank
  *Papa's Hot Doggeria To Go - 25 Rank
  *Papa's Pizzeria - 13 Rank
  *Papa's Bakeria - 14 Rank

Avatars:
18.10.17: Mallow men
 27.10.17: Burning marshmallow
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« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2017, 12:13:25 PM »

Yaay! First opinion!
I use dialogs SO often because I don't like description. I think it's boring...
Anyway I'll try to add more description in the next fanfic.
Thanks for criticism! Cheesy
you don't need lots of description though, just a little bit so people know what's going on that can't be said through dialogue.
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shoutbox queen has found QUOTE OF THE DECADE!:
Matt: Testing the new Shoutbox!
Flipline_Tony: Testing.
Flipline_Tony: Looks like no one's here.
Matt:  Cry

awesome quotes of 2018:
"I'm the Grand Supreme Mip of being a poke in the eye!" (from AKC's AyChao Academy comic)
You get a jill-a-torch.
(in response to "I insert a jack-o-lantern." I wanna see a jill-a-torch ROFL)

Fav KCP 2018 entries (besides Annika):
Azariah (Mystic), Morrigan (Lilith), Bonnie (JakeZ), Scott (Pine-Apple), Rose (RoseKitty), Kassem (despite the fact that he's half blue-green colorblind), Treble (breadlord), Bellamy (SND), Chelsea (Paramore), Skye (Shawna), Ranulph (CupcakePsyducks), Alice (Algodethacon), Hazel (Zuki-Chan), Zack (DeluxePizza), Soufflia (lajoie), Chelsea (Paramore), Dakota (speedo)
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« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2017, 12:24:21 PM »

  Here's more description  Wink

                                       Chapter nine: New plan

 FCs and customers in this chapter:

     Mrs. Flipverse, Cameron, Professor Fitz, Lewis


     Where we're stopped at the last time? Hmmm... Oh, right! Unknown man saved our heroes. He leads them to unknown for our heroes place. Mrs. Flipverse tryed to discern the unknown man but he not turned to them.

  PepperGuy: (To Mrs. Flipverse) Where do you think we're going?
  Mrs. Flipverse: Don't know. If you really want to know it, ask about it this man.
    
     And PepperGuy asked but unknown man doesn't answered.
    They're comes to usual city house and they're entered to it. PepperGuy doesn't want to go high up the stairs. Anyways they're go up and entered to usual flat. Unknown man left our heroes's arms and goned. After that he's returned but not alone.


  PepperGuy: Who are you?
  Professor Fitz: Really?! You guys doesn't know who am I?
  Mrs. Flipverse: But we're can know it?
  Professor Fitz: I'm the greatest scientist ever! I'm the best hero in this world (Because there are no heroes but me), I'm the greatest and unrepeatable Professor Fitz!
  Mrs. Flipverse: Firstly: Why we're here; Secondly: We're heroes too... So you can't say that you the best hero.
  Professor Fitz: Firstly: We've common goals - we're need to save this world. Secondly: If they, villains-loosers, can tie you I think you're not the best... But lets talk about first. Leeewis! We're need some tea! And cookies or marshmallows... Or marshmallow cookies! Bring it please!
  Lewis: Yes, Mr. Fitz!

     Lewis came to the kitchen. Professor Fitz, Mrs. Flipverse and PepperGuy are waiting for Lewis.
   Silence.
    Through 3 minutes Lewis come back and he bring warm tea and marshmallow cookies.
    All in the room starts to eat cookies and drink tea.


  Professor Fitz: So, I've got an idea how to unfreeze our world!
  Mrs. Flipverse: Maybe you share your idea with us?
  Professor Fitz: Me and Lewis tryed to find the unfreeze serum but it lost. So we're need to make new serum or... No-no-no-no... Not this.
  PepperGuy: What does you mean?
  Professor Fitz: Some years ago I created a "Mega-Dryer". It can warm up to 150 degrees. But I forget where it is so we're can't use...
  Lewis: Really? How you can forget? It reside in our cupboard since time when you invented it... (Catching Fitz's weird gaze) ...Or somewhere in ocean's deeps.
  Mrs. Flipverse: But if we're use "Mega-Dryer" he unfreeze our street... But after this villains again freeze it.
  Professor Fitz: Right! I can make effect hotter! I can upgrade it and it'll can warm up to 300 degrees and when it'll included they're can't freeze world... But district will a veeery hot...
  Lewis: We'll have only 20 minutes to stop villains because if we'll stay there longer... You know what'll happen. It's very dangerous but we're can try.
  Mrs. Flipverse: So all hopes on us?
  Lewis: Yes. You're right.
  Mrs. Flipverse: How much time you, Mr. Fitz, needs to upgrade?
  Professor Fitz: Approximately 1 day. It's hard. While I'll upgrade you can try to find our unfreeze serum. It can help.
  Mrs. Flipverse: Okay, I think it's ideal plan.

     They're stopped to eat cookies and drink tea. Professor Fitz comes to upgrade "Mega-Dryer". Other comes to find unfreeze serum.
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Avatars:
18.10.17: Mallow men
 27.10.17: Burning marshmallow
 01.11.17: Moe
 12.11.17: Gummy Onion
 17.11.17: Roy/Ninroy
 23.11.17: Pinch Hitwell (From PHDHD announcement)
 01.12.17: Timm without his glasses
 03.12.17: Franchise Owner icon (by Excalibur)
 10.12.17: Marshmello
 10.03.18: Marshmello (again)
 




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« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2017, 12:26:07 PM »

you don't need lots of description though, just a little bit so people know what's going on that can't be said through dialogue.
I wrote it in parentheses. Thanks again Wink
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Where are my Cookie sundaes?

 
All information:
   
Flipline Games achievements:
  *Papa's Cupcakeria - complete! 2** Rank! All badges
  *Papa Louie: WPA - complete! All coins
  *Papa Louie 2: WBA - complete! All achievements
  *Papa Louie 3: WSA - complete! All achievements
  *Slider scouts - 80 of 80 scouts. 313 Rank
  *Papa's Pizzeria HD - 104 Rank
  *Papa's Freezeria To Go - 61 Rank
  *Papa's Sushiria - 106 Rank
  *Cactus McCoy - complete! All achievements.
  *Papa's Hot Doggeria HD - 67 Rank
  *Papa's Hot Doggeria To Go - 25 Rank
  *Papa's Pizzeria - 13 Rank
  *Papa's Bakeria - 14 Rank

Avatars:
18.10.17: Mallow men
 27.10.17: Burning marshmallow
 01.11.17: Moe
 12.11.17: Gummy Onion
 17.11.17: Roy/Ninroy
 23.11.17: Pinch Hitwell (From PHDHD announcement)
 01.12.17: Timm without his glasses
 03.12.17: Franchise Owner icon (by Excalibur)
 10.12.17: Marshmello
 10.03.18: Marshmello (again)
 




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« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2017, 10:34:59 PM »

New poll added
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  *Papa's Cupcakeria - complete! 2** Rank! All badges
  *Papa Louie: WPA - complete! All coins
  *Papa Louie 2: WBA - complete! All achievements
  *Papa Louie 3: WSA - complete! All achievements
  *Slider scouts - 80 of 80 scouts. 313 Rank
  *Papa's Pizzeria HD - 104 Rank
  *Papa's Freezeria To Go - 61 Rank
  *Papa's Sushiria - 106 Rank
  *Cactus McCoy - complete! All achievements.
  *Papa's Hot Doggeria HD - 67 Rank
  *Papa's Hot Doggeria To Go - 25 Rank
  *Papa's Pizzeria - 13 Rank
  *Papa's Bakeria - 14 Rank

Avatars:
18.10.17: Mallow men
 27.10.17: Burning marshmallow
 01.11.17: Moe
 12.11.17: Gummy Onion
 17.11.17: Roy/Ninroy
 23.11.17: Pinch Hitwell (From PHDHD announcement)
 01.12.17: Timm without his glasses
 03.12.17: Franchise Owner icon (by Excalibur)
 10.12.17: Marshmello
 10.03.18: Marshmello (again)
 




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