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Author Topic: The Dust: Tohru's story  (Read 25015 times)
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« Reply #135 on: December 19, 2016, 02:24:47 PM »

Laugh now I wanna know who's in this "Elevens" gang and how they got their name lol

also bubble tea person, none of us here take fan fiction very seriously, and ElectricAngel's story here is about five times better than some of the kids' fanfics LOL
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awesome quotes of 2018:
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You get a jill-a-torch.
(in response to "I insert a jack-o-lantern." I wanna see a jill-a-torch ROFL)

Fav KCP 2018 entries (besides Annika):
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« Reply #136 on: December 19, 2016, 11:58:06 PM »

I also suggest adding more context or in the topic post adding either a master-post (all chapter within a spoiler) or having a summary of what occurred during each chapter. Also having a skeletal structure of what will happen in each chapter can allow you to manipulate your writing to give a sense of longevity to your story and to encapsulate the atmospheric setting of this story.

Yeah I should probably make a Table of contents on the front. I'll do that tomorrow. I guess I could add more tone words. This chapter was a little short...

Laugh now I wanna know who's in this "Elevens" gang and how they got their name lol

also bubble tea person, none of us here take fan fiction very seriously, and ElectricAngel's story here is about five times better than some of the kids' fanfics LOL
Aww, thank you. :3
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« Reply #137 on: December 21, 2016, 10:15:07 PM »

It's the return of the POV Flip flopping

Chapter 6

(Akari's POV)
I drove off in my motorcycle. I was worried about leaving Tohru with Allan, but at least he has no weapons. He's still strong though, and there are many heavy items in my apartment. (noun).Well I would rather have her in a building full of people than with me to a practically deserted place. Plus I don't know what Peggy might do. She knows so many different techniques of torture. She probably brought her friends from the west to kidnap me and demand I inform them on how to overthrow the mayor.

In the call from earlier, Peggy of the Elevens had something to mail from her boss. Peggy is way scarier than Allan is. He could only dream of being as scary as her. The only reason why I decided to take this was because saying no to Peggy was a bad decision. Plus I have something for her too. You don’t want to be left with a message for a crime boss for more than 12 hours or else some dumb miscommunication can happen and it all lies on the courier.

I make it to Bernie's. Bernie’s is a restaurant owned by the Elevens. In the daytime, they would ask me to deliver food to other people and each food on the menu meant a different message. I enter the now dimly lit restaurant. Not many people were here. Just some leftover businessmen with bad relationships and passing by motorcyclist who wanted a good game of pool. Of course nobody was in the family area.

    “Akari.” I hear. “Akari, dearest, over here.” I turn to see Peggy in a booth. “Please sit. I must inform you of something.”

{Tohru's POV}
 Allan has been circling around me and muttering since Akari left. It was even more uncomfortable when I was lying down on the couch. I sat up in hopes of making it feel less weird, but that didn’t work. I placed my backpack on my lap and hugged it around my chest. This better stop, like now.

"So how did you know Akari, you two seemed pretty casual?" I asked in hopes of making him stop pacing.
He did stop pacing at the sound of my question. "Well” He began. “Let’s just say, she helped me through high school.”

"Really, like a tutor?" I ask pretending to be interested.

He laughed... (I'm scared). "No." He said smiling. His smile wasn't that bad for somebody who lost his tooth. "So how much did Akari tell you about G?"

"She told me that G was short." I said trying to think. "And that G got angry easily and likes green."

"Not much. Just stuff every kid knows and tells their friends to sound cool" he said. "How long are you staying with Akari?"

Should I tell this guy? Well I honestly don't see why not. "Two weeks."

"Do you want to look around?" he asked.

"What?" I asked a little more hostile than I intended.

He looked confused. "Well you know, Illicium Verum is a very big city and there is a lot to see. I can take you around." was it just me or did he sound nice when he said this? Why would he want to take me around? He looked nervous for some reason.

"Sure." I said with my eyes wide on him in case he inspects me again. He was moving again, but he went to the kitchen. He came out a few minutes later with a green bell pepper and bit into it like it was an apple. Was he allowed to do that? Who does that?

"Pick you up in ten hours." He whispered into my ear and left with Akari's green bell pepper. I hate this guy.
“Wait!” I yelled.
“What?”

“Akari said you had to stay here until she came back.” Wait… she didn’t say that… What was I saying?

“Does Tohru wish for me to remain here until her cousin returns?” Allan asked me in a cocky way. Ew.
In all honesty I didn’t want HIM to be here with me, but I know if I were to be left alone I would start feeling scared. Almost 3 am in a dangerous part of town sounds terrifying, especially with how easily this guy was able to break in. I thought about Nick. Perhaps this guy might know where Nick is. Maybe at least where to look or what to do to get him back. I was worried about his safety.

Meanwhile with Akari
"Go deliver this to G." Peggy said. "The Mister says it is important." The Mister, he is the leader of the Elevens. Not much is known about him. If it was just a few years ago I could probably say he is like Slenderman.

    I take the hard drive from Peggy. “A hard drive?” I question.

"He insisted." She said. "Please let it arrive as fast as you can."

"Okay, where is my money?" I said rudely. Peggy has been known to short change me. She will pay me though, otherwise the Mister will blame her for the loss in services.

“Here is your (verb) money.” She said sliding it to me.

“Thank you.” I slipped the envelope into my messenger bag. I touch the envelope that Allan gave me earlier. “This is from G.” I handed it to her.

“Hmm. Interesting. They both had something to say to each other?” Peggy inquired.

It was odd that the two were so eager to talk. Normally they had back and forth conversations and almost none of them overlapped.

I ordered some fries before riding back. I didn’t have much food in my fridge and whatever I did have, Allan probably ate. I hope Tohru likes curly fries.

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Read chapter 6 of my fanfic here: http://www.flipline.com/forum/index.php?topic=6233.msg1688995#new

News!:
(Last update: 12/25/16)]12/25: Merry Christmas everybody! I'm learning how to use FireAlpaca... It's weird
Contributions to the Forum:
-started the Expectations topics (original idea)
-Self proclaimed artist
-Made the Shipping and Town of Salem topic just to name the popular ones
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