Vol. I: Issue 003                                                                                             January 9th, 2026

DOWT crews responded overnight to a malfunctioning Quickskip tunnel at Oniontown’s Grand Central Junction, and let me tell you, it was a messy one. The glitch stranded several dozen motorists who thought they were headed for Toastwood, only to pop out on the unexpectedly icy streets of Frostfield instead.

Workers say they should have the tunnel back in shape within the next hour after a long night of recalibrating the tunnel’s coin conductor and running repeated test jumps. Now here’s the part you need to know. This is the third tunnel problem in the last two months at Grand Central Junction, and that prompted a press conference with Mayor Chip O’llini.

I asked the mayor what steps are being taken to make sure this does not keep happening. His answer? They are looking into ways to increase funding to update the infrastructure. We’ll see if that turns into action, because when drivers are getting rerouted into an icebox at midnight, “looking into it” is not exactly a comfort.

Stay sharp, and stay tuned. Duke’s Gotcha covered.

 

Hiya friends, and happy Friday! Whew, not the Quickskipper again. Just last month, my crew and I were stuck in the van for five hours driving to Tacodale the old fashioned way, and let’s just say I learned exactly how many snacks a weather team can go through in one afternoon.

Speaking of Tacodale, the big Chimi Challenge Race is rolling into town this weekend, and I know all you cyclists are itching to know what the weather has planned in that neck of the woods. Good news, it’s looking mild and dry. Saturday is mostly sunny with a high of 54 degrees, which is just about perfect for a comfortable ride and a happy finish line.

Here is your seven day forecast for all you Tacodalians!

 

The Mumph here, and buckle up, folks, because this one was a pure nail-biter. Final at Griller Stadium on January 8, 2026: the Starlight City Jackpots squeak past the Tastyville Cold Cuts, 4 to 3. Winner, Starlight City. MVP, Zestler.

Zestler was the engine when the game got tight, driving the offense right when it mattered most, and then turning around and doing real work on the blue line too. Drummond and Perigo helped set the tone by keeping Tastyville pinned in their own end with those long, grinding cycles and crisp zone entries that make a defense feel like it is chasing headlights.

And let’s talk about Bufford for a second. Tastyville started pressing in the third, the ice tilted, the building got loud, and Bufford answered with timely saves that kept the Jackpots in front. That is the kind of goaltending that turns a close game into a win you can actually take home.

Credit to Mariner on the Cold Cuts side, too. He brought a spark with a few dangerous rushes that had Starlight City on their heels, but when it came time to lock it down, the Jackpots closed lanes late and kept the dangerous stuff to the outside.

My two cents, wins like this do not just look good in the standings, they build a team’s confidence fast. Starlight City earned this one the hard way, and that is the kind of result that sticks with you.

 

Hello out there!

You may have missed this little blip of news last week, what with so much coverage focused on the ongoing issues at the GCJ, but there was another traffic incident that deserves a second look. A garbage truck broke down on the Briny Gate Bridge, blocking traffic and turning the morning commute into a slow crawl. Nothing too crazy, right? A mechanical failure, a few honks, a shrug, and everyone moves on.

Except I was on the scene with my trusty camera, and I got a look at what that garbage truck was actually hauling.

I do not pretend to be an expert on motorcycles, but I know enough to recognize what looked like two brand new choppers, wrapped in plastic, sitting in the back like they were being protected, not discarded. Since when do pristine bikes ride with banana peels and busted boxes? Since when does trash get bubble wrapped?

And that brings me to a different question, one people rarely ask out loud. Do you know where all the trash goes? All those burnt pizzas have to go somewhere, right? The spoiled lettuce, the broken gadgets, the things we toss without thinking, the things we are told vanish the moment the lid closes.

Well, I did some digging. Most of the country’s waste is sent to a tiny “uninhabited” island far off the coast of Oniontown called Thrasher’s Heap. I use the term ‘uninhabited’ loosely, because that is the official description, and I am not sure I buy it.

Local fishermen steer clear of the island, but a few have mentioned seeing faint lights in the distance on certain nights. Officials wave this off as nothing more than a byproduct of the landfill, pockets of methane and other gases igniting now and then. And I am not here to spin ghost stories or chase will o’ the wisps across the sea.

But I am here to tell you that something feels off. Brand new choppers do not belong in a garbage truck. Lights do not belong on an uninhabited island. And when too many details fail to fit the shape of the official story, that is when I start taking notes.

I will keep looking into it. And that’s The Scoop.