Vol. I: Issue 037                                                                                             September 4th, 2026

Breaking news out of San Fresco, where the great galleons are rolling into port and Pirate Bash is officially taking over the Wharf.

Locals are already gathering along the docks as those towering ships make their arrival, bringing with them the music, flags, costumes, and salty spectacle that make this one of San Fresco’s biggest holiday traditions. Expect crowded boardwalks, packed shops, and more than a few eye patches before the week is through.

Papa’s Paleteria is joining the celebration with a lineup of festive specials, including the return of a fan favorite: The Seadragon. This chilly treasure features a blend of Sunken Treasure Custard, dragon fruit chunks, and a dip in Maelstrom Swirl. If you are heading down to the Wharf, that one may be worth keeping an eye out for.

And that is not the only sight to see. A new piece from the elusive street artist RypToe appeared two nights ago, adding another surprise attraction to an already busy stretch of coastline.

Tourism officials are expecting a major influx of visitors throughout the holiday season, and ride tickets are already moving quickly. For the next month, the famed pirate ship Fortune’s Escape will be setting sail every evening for sunset cruises, giving guests a chance to take in San Fresco from the water as the festival lights come alive along the shore.

So if Pirate Bash is on your calendar, plan ahead, reserve early, and leave yourself plenty of time to take it all in. From crowded docks to sold-out sails, I’ll be tracking the holiday rush in San Fresco, because Duke’s Gotcha covered!

Hiya friends!

Whew, last week was certainly a busy one, and with everything going on, it just did not feel like the right time to mention this. But over the weekend, Tastyville held its annual Taste of the Future, and per The Mumph’s suggestion, I actually entered my cookies into the cooking competition!

Of course, they needed a name, so I went with JamBones. They’re shaped like little bones, have a layer of jam inside, and were inspired by some of Hambone’s very favorite flavors. Alright, everybody take a deep breath, because the results are in…

JamBones won FIRST PLACE in the Sweet Snack category!!!

Can you believe it?! Oh my gosh, I am still just a ball of excitement over here. Me! Winning a cooking competition! I feel like someone should probably double-check the results just to be safe.

Ok, let me gather myself and move onto the task at hand, Powder Point’s seven day forecast.

Over in Powder Point, we’ve got a warm and somewhat muggy start to the week, with a few scattered showers and thunderstorms popping up through the weekend. A front moving through brings a cooler little change afterward, and then things settle into a really pleasant stretch with more sunshine, lower humidity, and comfortable temperatures as the week rolls along.

So keep an umbrella nearby for those early storm chances, then get ready for a much calmer and comfier stretch over in Powder Point.

 

The Mumph here, and first off, big congratulations to Zepha Ray on that win. JamBones, I like it. Great name, great snack, great victory. Please tell me you are bringing more into the newsroom, because Hambone is going to hear about it and demand his share.

And speaking of winners, the Whiskview Black Birds had themselves quite a ballgame…

This one took a minute to wake up, but once Whiskview found the bats, they found them in bunches. The Black Birds scratched one across in the third, then broke it open with three in the fifth and two more in the sixth. That gave them a 6 to 0 lead before Powder Point finally got moving late.

Give the Woollies credit, they did not pack it in. They put up one in the seventh and two more in the eighth, just enough to make Whiskview tighten the gloves and pay attention. But the Black Birds had already done the heavy lifting, and Viennot helped make sure that late push stayed manageable.

MVP goes to Viennot out in center field. Center field is where rallies go to either breathe or die, and Viennot kept covering ground, cutting off trouble, and giving Whiskview that steady middle-of-the-diamond presence you need when a lead starts feeling a little less comfortable.

Final score, Whiskview Black Birds 6, Powder Point Woollies 3. Winner, Whiskview. MVP, Viennot.

My two cents, when you build a lead in the middle innings and survive the late punch, that is winning baseball. Not always pretty, but it gets you back to the dugout smiling.

 

Hello out there…

I am back, safe and sound, in the NowTime newsroom.

First, thank you for your patience, and for the concern many of you expressed, while I disappeared for nearly four weeks. I apologize for all the cloak-and-dagger secrecy, but where I was going, and what I was attempting to do there, left very little room for a compromised plan.

And now I can finally tell you where I have been… Thrasher’s Heap!

I saw more during those weeks than I could possibly squeeze into a single edition of this Newsletter, so we are going to have to take this one piece at a time. And the best place to start is at the beginning, with a very large makeup kit and a man named Screwnut Shane.

Before going anywhere near the Heap, I enlisted the considerable talents of Deuce Gotcha to build me a disguise convincing enough to survive close inspection. By the time he was finished, Shannon had effectively disappeared and Screwnut Shane was staring back from the mirror.

Step one was getting inside Dumplink Inc., the waste management company responsible for hauling Oniontown’s garbage out to Thrasher’s Heap. My thinking was simple. If I could get hired onto a garbage crew, sooner or later the trash would take me exactly where I wanted to go.

So I applied, and they hired me almost immediately.

For the next two weeks, Screwnut Shane worked as an entry-level loader, riding the back of a garbage truck and hauling bags, bins, and busted furniture from the residential streets of Oniontown. Let me tell you, that job is no picnic. I came away with a new respect for the people who do it every day, and several smells I am still trying to get out of my hair.

By week three, I managed to finagle a promotion to “road assistant.” Unlike my collection route, this crew rode with the loaded trucks through the Quickskip tunnel to Thrasher’s Heap. Finally, I had a legitimate way in.

Seeing the place up close was eye-opening. Nose-closing too.

Each trip followed essentially the same route: a two-and-a-half-mile dirt road cutting straight through towering walls of compacted scrap. From the cab, there was remarkably little to see. Almost suspiciously little. But every quarter mile or so, we would pass sheet-metal gates leading deeper into other sections of the island. Some were guarded. Others were not.

Then there was one particular gate. I noticed it on every trip. It had taken enough abuse over the years that the two metal halves no longer met cleanly in the middle. There was a narrow opening between them. Not much of one. But enough.

By the end of that week, I made my move. After my shift, I stayed hidden near the truck lot until the night crews began rolling out. Then I hitched a decidedly unauthorized ride beneath one of the trucks headed for the Heap. I am going to interrupt my own story here to say this very clearly: do not try that. One pothole nearly ended this investigation, and possibly your reporter too.

But I knew the route by then. I knew the timing. And when my ride approached that damaged gate, I released myself, hit the dusty road, and watched the truck continue without me.

For the first time, I was alone on Thrasher’s Heap. Under the cover of darkness, I crossed the road, squeezed through that narrow opening in the metal gates, and stepped into the hidden world of Thrasher’s Heap. Unfortunately, we’ll have to continue on with the story next week.

And that’s The Scoop.